It’s better than a mass e-mail

Well, it’s just been a day, but so far, my Lasik surgery was a success.

The surgery was insane, by far the scariest thing I have ever done in my life.  As comfortable as I felt with the surgeon and her staff and as much as I had committed myself to doing it, I still was a wreck during the procedure. It’s completely counter-intuitive. There I was lying in a chair while someone futzed with my eyes with lasers?  I kept thinking about the eye surgery scene in Minority Report. But they gave me two small yellow stress balls to squeeze, which surely helped keep me still if not calm.

And the doctor talked me through the entire thing. Her assistant was counting down the time for each laser (the one that cuts the flap and the one that does the reshaping), while she was talking about what was happening and reminding me to breathe, which turned out to be a critical reminder.

A lot of Lasik accounts tell you about how your vision fades out, and that part didn’t bother me at all. I actually found it a little relaxing. And yes, the smell of the laser is a bit disconcerting, but no more than the entire procedure, really.

So after about a minute for each eye, I was told I could sit up and open my eyes. It took me a minute to relax all my muscles and sit up. Then I was driven home and took a nap – or at least laid down and drifted in and out – for about four hours. I woke up able to see. It was hazy last night and still a little bit today, but all in all, I can see. It’s spectacular and really unbelievable. I mean, this was done just yesterday. In my follow up this morning, I was told my eyes are healing well, all looks good, but a little dry. I have to remember to keep putting rewetting drops in my eyes.

Right now it kind of feels like I still have dirty contacts in, but I expect that to fade as my eyes heal. And so far, I am pleased with the result and so glad I did it. I mean, 20/20 vision? Who would have thought someone who couldn’t read the alarm clock unless it was inches from my nose would one day be able to see unassisted? Spectacular.

One other thought about having this surgery: This is something pretty far out of my character to do. I am an anxious person. I worry a lot, often expecting the worst or convincing myself bad things might happen. I tend to lose sleep over things, just worrying them to death. But this time, I didn’t. Yes, I was anxious and yes, I was in hyper research overdrive for the week leading up to the procedure. But once I decided I was doing it, I became calmer and more in control. I challenged myself to have this experience, to be confident and positive about it, and I was. This is huge for me.

Because this blog is named “it’s better than a mass e-mail” with the intention of being a self-absorbed forum on Sara for anyone who cares, I thought it might be time for an update on my life. And because I like lists, I will conduct said update in list form.

1. First the big news. I am soon to be gainfully employed again. That’s right, funemployment is quickly drawing to a close. I can’t believe how quickly the weeks have flown by. What have I even been doing this entire time? Walking the dog, working on the kitchen cabinets, some freelance, some Bloody Mary drinking, coddling babies, cooking, working out some, writing, reading, walking the dog some more. (Wow this could have been a sublist on its own.) It doesn’t sound like much, does it? I didn’t write a novel or paint a series of landscapes or knit a sweater. Meant to, though.

2. Oh I guess I should give more on the job part. I will be an associate editor for a trade magazine that covers the business side of running a medical practice. This way I get to still write, get some experience editing, and stay in the general health care field, which rules. And my guess is I won’t come home at the end of a spectacularly long day feeling like I had the shit kicked out of me. I actually can’t believe I got the job, mainly because I didn’t know anyone who works there (I got most of my past jobs by knowing someone). I applied through Monster, which I figured was just like tossing your resume out into the ether to get lost among thousands of other more qualified laid off journalists. And I come from a newspaper background – one sensational free start-up tabloid paper in particular – that has seemed to at times be a strike against me. But hey, I got it.  I am so relieved and excited and a little nervous. Oh, and sad that unemployment is ending, but really, how many kitchen stools can I repaint or cabinets can I sand, and how many more walks with the dog around the neighborhood can one girl take?

3. I am feeling more and more comfortable with the Lasik eye surgery. I am actually really excited to write about it, and after writing yesterday’s post, I am feeling more confident about the decision and the doctor and the whole agreement in general. I just am waiting to chat with one of her patients and to see some kind of agreement in writing that explains everyone’s expectations. In the meantime, I have confirmed that wearing my glasses sucks. Also, I spoke with yet another friend last night who had it and loves it, and another who said, “It’s basically routine now,” which further put me at ease, because I tend to follow and trust my friends.

4. I have completely lost control of my dog. She eats everything in sight, and in Baltimore, that can be pretty toxic. If I was a more patient person, I would spend more time training her, but I haven’t quite figured out what command corresponds with “stop eating that poop” or “drop the chicken bone.” I am open for suggestions.

5. I am heading down to Alabama tomorrow morning for a long weekend to see my family. I haven’t seen them since November, and I generally think they are awesome. My step-brother just turned 21 and with each passing year he becomes more mature and kind and smart. And my dad just turned 60-something, and I think each passing year for him has made him more reflective, more balls-to-the-wall about what he believes in, and perhaps a little crazy. He told me the other night (besides the “God not giving frogs wings” comment), that some people have better health outcomes because of luck and social networks. Fat people hang out with fat people; those with hypertension tend to share social circles with others with hypertension (apparently studies show this). I am healthy, and my friends and family are healthy, so my chances for a better outcome (in the case of Lasik, specifically) are increased. And, he said, I have good luck so it will all work out. Sometimes bad things just happen to people because they have bad luck, but I am not one of those people. That’s according to my dad. Right.

6. Just as I am feeling good about being gainfully employed and getting my life plan (whatever that might be) back on track, my friends’ company is in peril. Nearly a half of my friends here in Baltimore work at this company (with the other nearly half of my friends married to them), where they have been given a 60-day notice that they could close. I guess they kind of saw it coming, but it stinks. Most of them have new babies or are expecting. Yipes. I worry about what they are going to do, and selfishly, I don’t want them to all move away. They are what makes Baltimore awesome.

7. I have been contemplating the fate of this blog recently, and I am not sure if I will keep it up. I sure do like the journal style writing, and even though I might have two readers on a given day, I like knowing the words aren’t just squirrled away in a Word document on my computer. But knowing I am starting a new job soon, will I still have it in me to rap on WordPress? We’ll see.

I wasn’t sure if I would blog all of this, but figured this blog is struggling, so might as well. Here are my recent thoughts on my impending Lasik eye surgery:

My dad the physician recently told me “If God had intended frogs to fly, he’d have given ‘em wings.” Perhaps that’s true, but coming from the mouth of a doctor, poking holes in that argument was easy. Arguably, God has little to do with my considering Lasik eye surgery, or really any of our technological advances intended to make our lives more livable.

But my father also made a more poignant point: I only have one set of eyes. Eyes are one of those body parts that can’t be replaced and aren’t easily fixed or done without. Once I go in and start messing around with them, there is no going back.

Another friend of mine who is an opthamalogist said his mentor once told him that a person’s eyes are perfectly anatomically correct, but something isn’t working right that inhibits the ability to see clearly. Besides that malfunction, the eye is perfectly shaped and formed. Cutting and reshaping with lasers changes that, and again, no going back. But I find it easy to rebutt this one too, since as anatomically correct as my eyeballs may be, they ain’t working like they were intended.

So, as I have mentioned before, I have the opportunity to have Lasik surgery. I met with the doctor on Monday and confirmed that I was indeed a candidate. (Part of me wished I wasn’t so that I wouldn’t have to go through this decision making process.) The last few days have been packed with research and talking with people who have had it done. I tend to be a high anxiety kind of person, and this instance is no different.

On Friday night I went to a party at a friend’s house nearby. It was still cool outside and the small Hampden house was packed. At one point, the kitchen was shoulder to shoulder with people, which doesn’t bother me. But what did bother me was the heat. It was cranked. My eyes, as they tend to do when the heat is on, were itchy and dry as the desert. I felt like I was looking through a haze, like someone had turned on a smoke machine. I was trying to blink them clear, but it wasn’t working, and I was probably just looking strange and bothered. Damn contacts.

It made me realize how uncomfortable my contacts are. And the last few days in glasses have made me realize how limiting wearing glasses is (try Bikram yoga in glasses, or really anything active or sweaty).

In my phase of research overdrive, I have confirmed that indeed the Internet is a dangerous, dangerous place full of lies, crazy people and alterior motives. Which is just a shame considering the wealth of knowledge that is also out there. There’s a guy who started a site called Lasik Fraud that details his horror story from 12 years ago with a hack doctor and a botched surgery. Then another guy fancies himself an entire organization that certifies Lasik doctors, but others allege he too is a hack, little more than one dude sitting behind a computer claiming to certify doctors. (He was even quoted in a US News and World Report story, which made me question the reporter’s judgment, particularly since she also seem to dredge up a patient who had a bad experience.)

Then there are the sites of the laser manufacturers and doctors who tout how awesome and foolproof the technology is. Patient testimonials sing the praises of the surgery. The FDA site leaves much to be desired, as it seems out of date and lacking in a real human touch.

So I have tried to gather as much information as possible to put me at ease. Talking to my opthamalogist friend helped, as he was able to tell me that the lasers this doc is using are brand new (and that shows that she has enough business to be able to afford such a costly machine), and that there is a lot to be said for spending time with the doctor to build trust.

During my consultation, the doctor was extremely nice and patient and willing to answer my barrage of questions. She didn’t seem rushed or frustrated. And I came in with a notebook listing my questions. She also took a phone call from me with more questions, and I am awaiting an email reply with even more answers. If my gut counts for anything, I liked her. I felt good around her and confident in the office and staff. That has to count for something, right?

My husband who supports the idea said it’s important for me to be confident in my decision to do it, and that could affect the outcome. He  might be right. A friend of ours just had a home birth — totally imcomparable, I understand, but bear with me — and she spent a good part of her pregnancy building confidence about her decision. She had a mantra and spent time meditating on the idea and taking control of the process, which turned out to be spectacularly complication-free. Perhaps the same is important here. Once I fully accept that I am doing this  (I am close. Just a few more questions answered, one more discussion with my Dr. Dad, and I am jumping in), then I need to focus on the task at hand. I need to learn to relax and be confident in the procedure, manage my expectations for the results, and be prepared to be an informed, yet comfortable patient during the procedure.

Possible success! I talked to the Forestry Service about our lovely tree. He said it was slated for removal because the city is planning to redo the sidewalks eventually and they wanted to get a new, healthier tree in there. The roots of our tree have overgrown the small box in the sidewalk and it’s showing signs of decay.

But thanks to my protest, they are marking the action “pending,” so they will rethink taking down this tree and see whether they can redo the sidewalks around it. That’s potentially great news, if it stands.

Meanwhile, I alerted the kind man from the Forestry Service to the dead tree out back and he’s looking into who, if anyone, owns the lot so it can be taken care of. I guess it pays to care and make a couple calls.

Yes, I am blogging out the tree in front of my house. So? Got any better ideas?

So remember how excited I was that my bulbs bloomed?

Well, it turns out I might have spoken too soon. Apparently bulbs tend to shoot out “like a stalk,” says my friend whose thumb is decidedly greener than mine, “not a sprig.” These surely are more sprig than stalk, I’m afraid.

Sad, huh? I guess I just got a little excited when in reality, this growth may just be some renegade weed seedling that got mixed up with the bulbs.