It’s better than a mass e-mail

Something about the words “neti pot” make me think of the song Smelly Cat that Phoebe sang on Friends. You remember it: “Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you?” Kind of like how sometimes when I am brushing my teeth, I get that song from childhood in my head that goes “Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro…” It’s unclear why, perhaps something in the cadence of the words.

So I thought I’d write a song about the new neti pot I just bought to be sung to the Smelly Cat tune. Then I thought that would be even too ridiculous for me. Plus I am not quite sure I am ready sing praises, as a song might suggest.

Instead I will simply explain my neti experience. I have rejected the idea of flushing my sinuses with salt water for some time. Hippy shit, if you ask me. Give me a hearty Benadryl and see you in a couple hours. But as time has passed and I have embraced more of the simple lifestyle, I have begun to reconsider the neti (among other previously hippies-only items such as natural peanut butter and Amy’s organic pizza). Oh and I am poor and spending $17 every 10 days on Claritin D was getting to be a little much.

Enter the neti.

I bought it at CVS and gave it a try for the first time the other night. Here’s how it goes: Beginners start with a half packet of salt mixture, add lukewarm water and stir. Put tiny spout of pot into nostril, lean head forward and tilt to the side. Soon enough, the water will come dribbling out of your other nostril.

Surprisingly, my head didn’t explode. I expected a choking, coughing explosion of snot and water, but nothing of the sort happened. It was pretty tame and not entirely uncomfortable. A few noseblows later and my sinuses felt clearer.

It’s hard to say if the neti pot has entirely changed my life. I did it last night and still woke up at 5 a.m. with a stuffy nose and breathing out of my mouth. And today, oh today. My nose was running during my morning dog walk, but I ignored it and put off taking a Claritin. Then at work it got worse, but right when I needed it the most, I didn’t have that lovely expensive magic pill with me. Dang. So I toughed it out all day (and went through two boxes of Kleenexes). Home now I tried the neti pot again, and it helped a bit, but I still feel that swollen face, itchy eye, sneezy nose feeling. So I just took a Claritin.

—

In other news, starting last Friday, I am giving up sweets and cutting out alcohol during the week. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Sweets? Who cares? Peace out. But no alcohol? Have you lost your damn mind?’ I wondered the same thing. But it’s my vanity, you see. Summer is around the corner, and I have to do something drastic to at least feel like I am getting into shape. Plus, I was finding that I was mindlessly eating every single Hershey’s kiss and gummy Lifesaver I saw lying around on tables and in bowls at the office. Worthless sweets abound there. I am all for indulging in a real treat – like, say my friend Kate’s cookies, which are spectacular and worth every single calorie – but the sugar that’s not even worth it, that doesn’t even really taste good, but once you have one you’ve had 10, is out of here. So far, I don’t really miss it. Now, cutting out the post-work beer or the glass of wine in the evening? That might just be a momentary lapse of reason, but consider it an experiment.

Oh wow. It’s been a long time since I wrote anything. Shoot. I meant to keep this thing going.

I don’t have an excuse, really. I am sure I could think of a few good things to say from time to time, but the blog kind of dropped off my radar when I got a job. Now the woe-is-me unemployed writer blog thing doesn’t really jam any more.

But let me just say a few things. In list form, of course.

1. I decided recently I hate the word “webinar.” I just hate it. It sounds like a fungus. Or the name of an alien species, assuming there are species of aliens and not just one big group.

2. Just about three weeks post-Lasik, I am seeing like a champ. Really, it’s spectacular. I realized it again after yoga the other night, a time when I am usually seeing all cloudy thanks to dry sticky contacts. Sweet surgical success for sure. I recommend it. Especially if it fits into your zombie plan, as it does for a certain friend of mine who indeed has a loose plan for when the planet becomes overrun by zombies. Among his preparations is Lasik, because really, getting your glasses smashed by a zombie lessens your chances for escape. For me, I didn’t need the inevitable threat of zombies to convince me that being able to see rules.

3. My new job is going really well. I will admit the pace has taken some getting used to, but this is a good thing. It’s not human to work like we used to at the newspaper – or at least it’s not awesome once you’ve experienced the alternative. That includes not always eating your lunch either in front of the computer, in the car on the way to cover something, or while you’re on the phone. It also includes the occasional 4 p.m. food contest. Today’s was how many peeps can you fit in your mouth. (No, I did not participate.) It was a dead tie with five peeps as the limit until the exec ed came and crushed all the sissies with a whopping seven peeps. Legendary.

4. I also now have some free time on my hands. Not that the hours of new gig are way different or that I am messing around all day. But when I do leave work, I am not a mashed potato-brained mess that only finds comfort in a beer or a warm bath. So I guess I kind of need a project. Something extracurricular other than yoga. Time to take up knitting again? Painting perhaps? Blogging even?